Doubts

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Your doubt can move me to mountains so far away from the present that I do not want to ever come back to the now. How can you have any doubt when I have given to you so freely, and so sweetly? Haven’t I reassured you enough to dispel any doubt, or are my words forgotten in the instant they are heard, the undulations of my body against yours become untouched?
What you said has upset me, can’t you see? It makes me want to give up all of the pleasure we have exchanged and begin my search again for the elusive that I have found in you, out in the mired ether. I feel like I am ready now to turn away, from not just you but from the universal gift I am honoured to grant you. I doubt that what we have is not going to last much longer, and I don’t want to give up all of this sweetness just yet. Again, I stand here and hold fast against the impending end.
I know it is unbelievable each and every time we are together but know that it is real and it is of our own making. I know it is unbelievable that all of this luxury I own is meant and given only to you. Know I came to an understanding a long time ago that is simple and true: I only want you.
I have tried to shake myself from the seemingly strange connection we have, to seek the refuge from it in the reality of the outside world, but no matter what I try, I cannot turn away.
I came to realize that all I am doing is creating doubts against what we have so I can break free. I choose to instead remove any doubts I self-create and exist in the vivid liberty that we co-create each and every time we are together in pleasure. I can only hope that you do the same but I can sense when it is too much for you and you shrink away and leave, and replace our closeness with aching spaces of silence, setting your doubts on a meandering wander, perhaps to free yourself from me.
I know it is unreal how good it is with us, how deep and intense the lust we have for each other is. I know it is unreal how that lust that builds up comes to fruition and explodes when we’re together, blasting us into the unknown reaches of the power of it. I have felt lost and delirious after our moments of ecstatic release. Isn’t that what this is all for and about? Yes, my sweet man, it is. And it is knowing this and letting it take us over is where we find liberty. Free yourself from the prison of doubt and trust that I give you me freely and completely; I have said and I have shown you.
All I want to do is please you. I know that is all I am here for, all you need me to do. It is really all I want to do and be, nothing more or less. It is the universal gift I am honoured to grant you. I know and feel that you are deserved of it, a deep happiness to quell the suspension of the ego-mind in which you are constrained by.

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