Like Before (The Mourning Chronicles 2)

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Wednesday, June 14, 2017

I miss you.
Do you think about what we had like I do? 
We were perfect together. 

I am forever thinking about you, those wonderful times.
Let's build a time machine and go back, what do you say? 

I would turn back time just to feel you again, like before. 
Like I still do.

Scentsation

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Friday, May 5, 2017


The scent of you is beyond exquisite

When I am near you, 
holding you close, your skin next to mine,
I feel like a Mother when holding her new infant,
intoxicated and enraptured by it’s sublime smell, 
reminiscent of a Love so deep and Divine
the One that goes beyond space and time


I don’t want to ever want to be far away from you
You are the New
the welcomed beginnings
that my Love needs



Revisit (The Mourning Chronicles 1)

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I return, over these long but few years since you left, 
to places that we used go. 

Sometimes people ask me,“where’s your husband…that man you are always with?",  
ask how is “everything going with the two of you?”,
they invite us to gatherings, to lavish parties that we socially fit into,
they often want me to tell you simply, “Hello”?

I know they only ask because they see me alone, without you. 
We were inseparable. We still are.

How do I tell anyone who asks...?
How you left to go to another realm,
and hopefully,
you are there waiting for me..?

Tight

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Saturday, December 24, 2016


Out of everything, I miss you. Oh! So much!
What you've cast and woven, I cannot turn away from, nor do I want to.
You're my need. Without you I feel so tight. Unravel me.

Close

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I want you deep inside
where you are the closest

Papahoggies (A Love Letter of Thanks)

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Sunday, December 18, 2016


Pappahoggies,

 Please excuse me for sending you an email message, but for the strangest happenstance, I don't have any of your personal contact info on my current device; I would have just texted. And, as you know, I am not on social media so I couldn't just send you a FB message. Oh, this modern world.

 I was just thinking about you this evening. Thinking of you in that deep way one sometimes does. Well, not "one" but me. I have so many fond memories of you. I am still in such amazement that you and I became friends, in that magical way that we came together. As simple as it was, there was indeed magic there. I am still touched by it. And oh how quickly our lives aligned with each other and we began creating memories that when we think back on them, as time moves forward, they are part of our youth. I am still moved by it.  We were there for each other in some dire times, and we were there for each other in some bright times, too. We were a part of each other at those times when our lives had begun to diverge and we started on new paths. I am still reeled by it.

 All these thoughts of you live in a place that is home to me. They live in my heart. I thank you for it.

 Although we aren't privy to the minutiae of our daily lives, and we are separated by miles of road and earth and sometimes expanses of water, you are with me always. All I have to do is think about your Doheny Drive apartment (it's been torn down). All I have to do is think about Theory (or Helmut Lang). All I have to think about is Christmas (trimming your tree, watching "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"). All I have to do is think about San Francisco. All I have to do is think about you.

Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for having loved me with soul. Thank you for listening to me. Thank you for letting me be a part of your youth. Thank you for letting me be a part of your adulthood. Thank you for everything.

 I love you, my dear sweet smart special friend xxoxx

Forever,
-Mamahoggies

(December 17, 2016)

The Questionable Experience of Lust

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Wednesday, December 14, 2016

The questionable experience of lust of the flesh is one that leaps from the longing for another's energy. This is a fleeting reach for it is temporary and is futile to give into it, you can't ever win, you can't get satisfaction. What you touch doesn't last long. It is never yours to claim. It is a false and sad replacement for the lasting endurance of Love.

"Sunday Morning"

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Tuesday, December 13, 2016

On Aug 9, 2015, at 9:29 AM, "Mx Amoureaux" wrote:

Oh how lovely it would be to sneak under your covers and give you a deep wet kiss and taste the droplets of salty sweetness that escape from you when I come up for air. You’re the most delicious thing to me. Miss you. Need you. So in love with you. Xox

On Aug 9, 2015 9:35 AM, "XX" wrote:

Will u do that to me soon baby?

On Aug 9, 2015, at 9:38 AM, “Mx Amoureaux” wrote:

Absolutely yes. I'd do that to you every morning.

On Aug 9, 2015 9:42 AM, "XX" wrote:

Mmmmm fuck. Want that so badly

On Aug 9, 2015, at 10:11 AM, "Mx Amoureaux" wrote:

And I want to do that to you, so badly and often. But you have to promise that we’ll sit quietly afterward reading the Sunday Times and I get the Arts section first ;)

On Aug 9, 2015 at 10:21 AM “XX” wrote:

I promise

Tyrant I/II

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Friday, November 4, 2016

I 

 I must seem like a tyrant when it comes to Love,
not sure if I want it or not, I push away when it comes time to pull in,
always doing things to fail myself from falling deep again, 
all the while wishing for the things I felt and have lost along the way. 
I call my guards up and begin to wage war against these things because of and in the name of Love.

I do this to heal the hurt and pain that falling deep into Love has left me. 
Self-inflicted, self-vindicated, is it real pleasure or real pain? 
The wages of battle are surely ache and loss, a price I don't want to be obliged to pay.



II

I give my body away like it were a worthless coin, trying to forget that the truth is
 I am a precious jewel, a rare delight.
I urge the soldier of my own choosing to go deeper, into the place that only I know,
to leave his essence to fill me up where I feel empty, 
to leave a Light on inside 
so that I don't go Dark.

Question Series 1

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Topic: Sexual Positions--Doggy: On All Fours, Knees Together or Apart ?

Question: Do you do doggy style with your knees open or together? Or do you let him decide? Open lets him stand directly behind you with his legs together. Knees together lets him stand directly behind you with your feet between his slightly spread legs. Feedback? Am I the only one who thinks about crazy shit like this? (TM in FL)


I've never given this particular position (all 4's, knees together) much thought but nowthat you bring it to my attention, I find that I'm often in this position when being taken doggy--perhaps because I'm a smaller build (5'9", 130#) it is easier for my Lover to naturally place me in this position, and yes, it is more "feminine" which is also why I'm taken this way when in doggy (most all of my regular Lovers are heterosexually-identified). My own little quirk to this is, so that I have more stability, I always cross my feet over each other too like an X. It helps me I guess to stay connected to the floor/bed so my Lover can go in and plow away at his own desired depth and pace as he holds my little waist.
In reverse, I also find that my Lovers will put me in Missionary with my legs on his shoulders and my knees pressed against me. Again, I instinctively cross my feet if they're relaxed behind his head, or if his hands are pushing my knees down, they'll rest easily on his shoulders or simply flat against his chest.

Body Talk

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Friday, April 29, 2016

I want to write down my feelings and tell you how you make me feel,
tomes of hefty works filled with words
When we get together I fall silent, all of those words escape me
I let my body do the talking
and express my feelings
It is the secret language we speak to each other
There is no need for translation,
All meaning is understood

On Liberation

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Sunday, January 3, 2016

I have set myself on a course of real liberation. I feel the new freedom moving through me. It feels great and energizing. I realize the more you peel away layers of whatever protective shell you cover yourself with and remove them, the only thing you become is your true Self. I used to think that peeling away these layers leads to Nothing because I felt nothing at the core. This was a fabrication made up by Fear. I know now I was sorely mistaken. What you become is quite distinct--you become integrated with your Self and with the Highest, which is to become Everything. And to be everything...that is beautiful.

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