Intersexion

The questionable experience of lust of the flesh is one that leaps from the longing for another's energy. This is a fleeting reach for it is temporary and is futile to give into it, you can't ever win, you can't get satisfaction. What you touch doesn't last long. It is never yours to claim. It is a false and sad replacement for the lasting endurance of Love.

I have set myself on a course of real liberation. I feel the new freedom moving through me. It feels great and energizing. I realize the more you peel away layers of whatever protective shell you cover yourself with and remove them, the only thing you become is your true Self. I used to think that peeling away these layers leads to Nothing because I felt nothing at the core. This was a fabrication made up by Fear. I know now I was sorely mistaken. What you become is quite distinct--you become integrated with your Self and with the Highest, which is to become Everything. And to be everything...that is beautiful.

Thinking very deeply of you…I’m sad at how much distance is between us, I'm happy that I feel as deeply as I do about you. I long for you in ways deep and subtle. I wish you were more free to come appear at my door and hold me in your arms. You’re unlike anyone I have ever known. I often wonder what lies deep within you, what valleys the streaming feelings you have about me have carved into your inner world, if our rivers simply cross or our waters converge…I miss you.

I have swam in the deep dark sea of denial for far too long. Its cold temperatures have failed me, mistaking its rush for warmth. I have swam against currents of my own power and fought to win against the ebb of the tide, fought to win against the rip currents, only to lose myself every time, sinking deeper into murkier depths. I have fallen so far down into the abyss that the underworld of the sea appeared full of splendor and magic. It was all an illusion. I come up for air now, permanently exiting the water and laying down on the shore. I strive for my land legs to sprout from my fins, laying down on the shore, gasping for air to fill my gills as they turn back to lungs. On the shore, I bask in the daylight, in the warmth of the sun. I am exhausted and exhilaration rises from within. I am renewed by my will to evolve. The realization begins, transforming me anew.

I woke up from a fuzzy dream this morning that made me laugh and struck me as strange: I dreamt that my good old friend Rubin and I had sex, not once but three times, in the span of a day, in various guises, positions, and temperaments. We were of course, having lots of fun, laughing and carrying on as two old friends do but there was an intensity to the passion of each of our encounters. There was a strong sense of desire and lust for each other that isn't usually there between two old friends. Mix that with familiarity, and the feeling is one of something akin to love. I couldn't shake the intensity of his dream eyes, staring and piercing into the core of me at the moment of deliverance, the final image left on my mental dream screen.  Later in the day, I actually had to speak to Rubin and I mentioned my morning dream to him. We had a real good laugh over it!  Afterward, I found myself wondering why such an intense dream about a good friend had to play itself out in the...

I do not covet Love or its machinations. I cannot glower in Love's subtle depths for nothing resides there that does not exist elsewhere. I will not wield Love as a weapon, to grow accustomed of its weight and bend it to the burn of the wrist and to the valour of its supposed spurn. I am opened by Love's determination to see the world without eyes heavy with misgivings, judgements, or aims. I am free to experience Love in all of its expansive greatness and worthy of all of its blessings. Love is a mirror in which I see my World. Love is free and open  and belongs to everyone  and no one but Itself.

The newness that each day brings upon waking is truly the point of inspiration. How finite and subtle this inspiration presents itself- it unfolds in its seamless way and starts to reveal itself in numerous, tiny beginnings, much like life.  Life unfolds and reveals many moments for you, presently or in memoriam. It opens your eyes to see the road in front (and behind) you so that your journey is not short sighted or boring. Countless new sights and experiences abound! It is this awakening and the blessing of its arrival that is worth celebrating, by enjoying it, recognizing it, utilizing it to it greatest potential, honouring it in meditative contemplation, and striving to experience it to its maximum. It is this awakening that reminds you-- Live to the Fullest Extent of your Being.

Your doubt can move me to mountains so far away from the present that I do not want to ever come back to the now. How can you have any doubt when I have given to you so freely, and so sweetly? Haven’t I reassured you enough to dispel any doubt, or are my words forgotten in the instant they are heard, the undulations of my body against yours become untouched? What you said has upset me, can’t you see? It makes me want to give up all of the pleasure we have exchanged and begin my search again for the elusive that I have found in you, out in the mired ether. I feel like I am ready now to turn away, from not just you but from the universal gift I am honoured to grant you. I doubt that what we have is not going to last much longer, and I don’t want to give up all of this sweetness just yet.  Again, I stand here and hold fast against the impending end. I know it is unbelievable each and every time we are together but know that it is real and it is of our own making....

  I want you so bad and I want you all the time, that when I can’t have you when I want, it strikes me across the face like a whip and I am taken aback into a melancholy deep and rich. I have fallen into this melancholic dream many times over you. When you are away, at home with her especially, and she is the prison warden keeping you locked away from me, your sweet freedom, the hurt grows to an immensely palpable pain. Sometimes I think this pain is what I crave and  y ou are just the needle with which I prick myself to feel it.  You make me feel so good that it is so bad;  I cannot do without cravings, a glutton for you.

Through our night together, you never said you missed me, told me how much you want me, how hard it was to be apart from me...yet all I did through the night was spoil you, tell you all the things you could ever want to hear, how much I have craved you these long days far away from you, just how much I have missed you... It appears that we are going in one direction with two separate itineraries to the same place. It feels like we're not traveling on the same wavelengths as we once were, or I'm just a little bit lost in my way. I hope we are both there together in the end.

I'm your sweet sexy secret little play thing and I love it that way. I will be the one and only one with whom you can live out all of the secret fantasies you hold away from the world and release them into the realm of actuality, my body as the vessel on which you ride. You have the whole world watching you, but, with me, it is my eyes alone that get to see the minute details of your design.  I look at you and I see release, I see freedom, I see You. Vous me faites ouvrir et cède à vous et il me remplit de plaisir si pur et intense.  You allow me the honor of your favor again and again, the many stolen moments of time that we catch like flies in the air and hurried rush through our burning passion, until the time is gone and spent. When it is like this, I feel like the sweetest taboo. If only the world that watches you knew just how much you love this joy ride, but, it is me alone that gets to see the subtle and obvious of your intention. I turn to look at...

There has been a change in you and it makes me feel Fresh and new and at the same time Old and gray and wary  of all of these new found abilities and all of these new found confidences that you have no qualms showing me I do not know if I should sit back and watch you behave in these new ways that you have acquired as your self,  or get up off of the floor and step aside for you and give you all the room you need  to be free and complete on your own

The following was originally written in 2005 in my personal digital journal in response to a conversation I was having over dinner with a group of young like-minded professionals who lived in my apartment building at the time. It appeared in a different form in its original entry, directed more in regards to the wider spectrum of our conversation and with some direction aimed at persons at the dinner.  What came from the entry was a letter of heart to myself, and all of its stirrings. I have held on to it with the intention of revising it and writing is as a "valentine" to myself. I began reading it again recently and decided to "finish" it and set it with a new heart and a mind. What follows is that "valentine" in its true form... Enjoy and, as always, Love One Another. Masculine vs Feminine (Remixed + Revisited) I am naturally androgynous and EASILY blur the gender lines. And yes, that extends 2 my mannerisms and the way that I speak. I am f...

I was never one who was shy or afraid of sexuality or sex even at an early age. I was increasingly interested in it and have many a memory to attest to this. Even as a child, I knew that sex wasn’t some dirty little secret that was meant to be kept away from me or that it was “the naughty thing to do” but that it was a vessel of expression and frankly, it looked like a whole lot of fun. I of course didn’t believe this when I first encountered sex—it frankly scared me because I thought the two people were hurting each other from what I gathered from the sounds that were being made and the rapid, exertive movements they were doing—it was this very question that made me deeply wonder about sex itself, why was it something only adults did (and did often in my childhood home) and if it hurts why does it look like fun? We all have had our first introductions with sex when, as a child, you may have “overheard” your parents enjoying the company of each other in their private quarters. And ...

*this is an excerpt from a journal entry from January 1998, written as an self-exposition on a personal issue I needed to express and I felt strongly about and is still relevant today. After spending years on improving myself and my relationships, I now rest happily being the Master/Student always ready to learn and continue to evolve even further into my joyous Higher Self. I hope that by sharing this entry and exposing a deep layer of myself, it may give you the freedom to choose to do the same and stake your own claim to reach inside yourself and grow. Thank you for allowing me to share with you and if you find this helps you in anyway, feel free to comment and let me know. Live on! -M I accept the fact that I have commitment issues. Not some superficial explanations of my relationship shortcomings but a real and deeper exploration of my relationship issues. I am doing this so that I can love wholly and completely and without pretense or apprehension, and, above all else, wit...

At the very thought of what you represent You put my stomach in knots and stir an ache so deep There is no escape; I am trapped within my own womb by the seed you have planted Within me Who is to know what will blossom in my private garden or What weeds will grow; how can you tender me to nurture the Idea that has been Awakened I cannot give it safe passage because my core betrays it with a simple thought of you Twisted and tied against the unchain joy of what this new birth brings You put me on an edge above the precipice of beginnings Only to wretch against the impending final moment Imagined There is nothing more real than the happiness that you promise and the fear of not ever having it again that keeps me twisted in this mess of emotions playing false tricks on my expanding mind and my growing heart. There is nothing more real than the true possibility of Forever and the true fact of Never. There is only this moment this thought this feeling of wonder a...

During this time of year, fresh off the heels of New Year celebrations and revelry, everybody starts talking about the changes they intend to bring in with them and implement. These changes, or resolutions, most of the time get lost and forgotten within months. We get bombarded by the media by "resolution stories" to the point of annoyance (to me). I don't make resolutions, I make choices of evolution. I intend to continue to change the way I conduct my life on many levels. I intend to make change in how I serve the world and my community. I intend to further embrace my creativity and my commitment to it and its expansion. I intend to strengthen my business so that it evolves and grows exponentially. I intend to grow my personal relationships and always express my love and adoration to those who are dear to me. I intend to continue to explore the world around me and share my point of view of it with you. I intend to always have an open heart, an open mind, and open eyes s...

Here is an article I received in my email inbox and had to share it. Please read and then see my comment afterward: "Do You Have a Pleasing Personality?"   by Peter Ragnar In early  Greek  and Roman theater, actors were often called upon to play several parts in a single performance.  In order to accomplish this, they would wear a different mask to portray each character.  The mask, in Latin, was called a persona.  Today, many of us, while we wear no masks of theater, still play roles and recite scripts written by others. "As we seek recognition, often the words of parents and peers echo in our ears: 'Be somebody!'" Does that mean we should just pick a persona and play the prescribed role - or should we learn to be ourselves?  Ah!  Herein lies the problem.  There are just so many layers of learned falsity to strip away, and each one has become as dear to us as our own skin.  Hence, a great fear ari...

I am on the path of evolutionary change. I acknowledge this and am no longer resistant to change. I see this change taking many shapes and many forms; I see a new path being cleared for me and it is this road I am choosing to journey upon. It will take me far and near and at the end of it, I will change . I will metamorphoses, again. To me.

Be Thankful for what you've got-- Infinite creativity, an unconditional and giving heart, vibrant sensuality, youthful optimism, unbounded imagination, an inquisitive nature, a learned mind, healthy vitality, kinetic energy, universal peace, global outreach, eternal gratitude, social cause, inspiring peers, a positive attitude, boundless love, natural intuition, good intentions, divine wisdom, innate style, true faith, shining light, and, most of all, Love. Happy Thanksgiving and Thank You!!