Intersexion

The questionable experience of lust of the flesh is one that leaps from the longing for another's energy. This is a fleeting reach for it is temporary and is futile to give into it, you can't ever win, you can't get satisfaction. What you touch doesn't last long. It is never yours to claim. It is a false and sad replacement for the lasting endurance of Love.

I     I must seem like a tyrant when it comes to Love, not sure if I want it or not, I push away when it comes time to pull in, always doing things to fail myself from falling deep again,  all the while wishing for the things I felt and have lost along the way.  I call my guards up and begin to wage war against these things because of and in the name of Love. I do this to heal the hurt and pain that falling deep into Love has left me.  Self-inflicted, self-vindicated, is it real pleasure or real pain?  The wages of battle are surely ache and loss, a price I don't want to be obliged to pay. II I give my body away like it were a worthless coin, trying to forget that the truth is ,    I am a precious jewel, a rare delight. I urge the soldier of my own choosing to go deeper, into the place that only I know, to leave his essence to fill me up where I feel empty,  to leave a Light on inside  so that I don't g...

I have set myself on a course of real liberation. I feel the new freedom moving through me. It feels great and energizing. I realize the more you peel away layers of whatever protective shell you cover yourself with and remove them, the only thing you become is your true Self. I used to think that peeling away these layers leads to Nothing because I felt nothing at the core. This was a fabrication made up by Fear. I know now I was sorely mistaken. What you become is quite distinct--you become integrated with your Self and with the Highest, which is to become Everything. And to be everything...that is beautiful.

I can't trust you. Trust is a big, huge thing for me. It has to be, it is the basis of a relationship--platonic, emotional, sexual, spiritual, et al. If I can't trust you, I can't love you in the only way I know how, honestly. So don't fault me when I lie to you. I will not blame you for going away. I didn't believe in you in the first place so I was not honest to begin with.  The loss is yours, not mine. Honesty is the best, the biggest, most important policy.

There was this guy sitting near to me, ogling another guy (the barista as a matter of fact) and I could feel the sexual tension between them dancing a ballet in the air. It was so thick you could've sliced it and served it up as the dessert special of the day.  I quietly watched,  patiently  waiting for that magic moment when the  tension  breaks and the two of them would go into the john and play at making love or babies.  I waited, and waited. For two hours.  Nothing, except for one vague and failed compliment ("has anyone ever told you that you look like Randy Travis?" followed by the equally inquisitive "Who??").  "Just do it," I wanted to scream, "tell him that you want to settle down and live the American dream together or see the world in a flash of glory, or at the very least that you wanna fuck him senseless!".  The guy left before I could even say one word to him and even before he himself could muster up the coura...

There are so many places that I want to go--how many destinations will I eventually visit on this road of independence and freedom? I can't know unless I travel steadfastly and assured.  It has taken quite some time to get to the place that I am at without you and I have done it all by myself, done it on my own terms and with my own resolve, weighed by my own strength and measured by my own ruler.  How can I know if it is meant to be done all in this way if I think, if I doubt that it can't be done alone? How and when will I know otherwise? I have to trust--trust that I'm going the right way forward and toward an honest place, onward to a place of peaceful existence.  I must continue to learn that everything is a lesson and examine what knowledge I have gained from a worthy teacher such as you. So many lessons filled with tests and challenges, all of which I have passed with brilliant and flying colors. I take each and every step forward and continue to find ou...

I do not covet Love or its machinations. I cannot glower in Love's subtle depths for nothing resides there that does not exist elsewhere. I will not wield Love as a weapon, to grow accustomed of its weight and bend it to the burn of the wrist and to the valour of its supposed spurn. I am opened by Love's determination to see the world without eyes heavy with misgivings, judgements, or aims. I am free to experience Love in all of its expansive greatness and worthy of all of its blessings. Love is a mirror in which I see my World. Love is free and open  and belongs to everyone  and no one but Itself.

The newness that each day brings upon waking is truly the point of inspiration. How finite and subtle this inspiration presents itself- it unfolds in its seamless way and starts to reveal itself in numerous, tiny beginnings, much like life.  Life unfolds and reveals many moments for you, presently or in memoriam. It opens your eyes to see the road in front (and behind) you so that your journey is not short sighted or boring. Countless new sights and experiences abound! It is this awakening and the blessing of its arrival that is worth celebrating, by enjoying it, recognizing it, utilizing it to it greatest potential, honouring it in meditative contemplation, and striving to experience it to its maximum. It is this awakening that reminds you-- Live to the Fullest Extent of your Being.

Your doubt can move me to mountains so far away from the present that I do not want to ever come back to the now. How can you have any doubt when I have given to you so freely, and so sweetly? Haven’t I reassured you enough to dispel any doubt, or are my words forgotten in the instant they are heard, the undulations of my body against yours become untouched? What you said has upset me, can’t you see? It makes me want to give up all of the pleasure we have exchanged and begin my search again for the elusive that I have found in you, out in the mired ether. I feel like I am ready now to turn away, from not just you but from the universal gift I am honoured to grant you. I doubt that what we have is not going to last much longer, and I don’t want to give up all of this sweetness just yet.  Again, I stand here and hold fast against the impending end. I know it is unbelievable each and every time we are together but know that it is real and it is of our own making....

What should be a distant memory still feels as fresh as the new day. To think of the number of minutes I have spent trying to undo the countless moments I spent to keep you happy makes me wonder why I gave up so much time for such a failing proposition. I cannot believe how long I have been trying to forget and how strongly I ache to remember all of the great times to outweigh the horrendously bad times that came and washed us apart. Sixteen years! I still miss you unbelievably. I guess that means I still love you in some blind way or I am still in love with the thought of you and the hope of promise never fully materialized.  I am deigned to repeat you again and have been fighting off the impending front of this strange possibility. I am never over you. Sixteen years! The clock ticked the seconds by and I am no further away from that last day with you than I was sixteen years in the past. I have only taken a few small steps in comparison. It is time to start...

All I want is five minutes of your time so I can sit down and look into your eyes and see past all of the words, listen beyond all of the lies you have ever told me about how you loved me and see the reality of what was. Five minutes is an eternity, an infinite amount of time to look at you again. I couldn’t bear the madness that would ensue, realizing that all of the lies were in fact truths and I have been  the blindly loving fool,  skipping around in folly of a one-sided love tragedy.

Our modern life is not about market values, advertising outreach, political punditry, profit margins, browbeating, living in the proverbial box... it is about being one with nature, expressing love, opening your mind, using your creativity, understanding your individuality, and sharing everything you know joyfully with each other.

The following was originally written in 2005 in my personal digital journal in response to a conversation I was having over dinner with a group of young like-minded professionals who lived in my apartment building at the time. It appeared in a different form in its original entry, directed more in regards to the wider spectrum of our conversation and with some direction aimed at persons at the dinner.  What came from the entry was a letter of heart to myself, and all of its stirrings. I have held on to it with the intention of revising it and writing is as a "valentine" to myself. I began reading it again recently and decided to "finish" it and set it with a new heart and a mind. What follows is that "valentine" in its true form... Enjoy and, as always, Love One Another. Masculine vs Feminine (Remixed + Revisited) I am naturally androgynous and EASILY blur the gender lines. And yes, that extends 2 my mannerisms and the way that I speak. I am f...

Today is a day that was set aside to remind us of our inherent and divine gift: Love. Love is the essence of all things; without it there would be nothing except nothing. It is the color with which we paint our world. It is the heart with which we feel. It is the eyes with which we see. It fuels the mind with which we come to understand. It comes from a place of knowing. Go out today, and every day as a matter of truth and fact, and cultivate, create, share, express, live, and be Love. Enjoy it...the Feel of and the Good of Love. I Love You (yes, you) for many things: especially because you take care in looking, feeling, and being good, with your own personal style and flair and energy. Thank You. *previously published on  another  site of which I am the publisher and owner of in 2010

I can remember the color of the light  as it splayed itself across the white walls of the room  and the feel of you in my bed I can remember feeling the weight of the sounds of our love that was made your body pressed on mine, and you made me feel proud to say that I loved you and in comfortable contemplation of how easily I was caught then, once more and again. Suspended in the absence of us I can see the empty look of all of the emptiness that lies within the knowing that there is no longer “we”, “us”, or even “them”, the impression that is left here now is the full understanding that there is now only a measure of time given as a token from another realm a nurturing realization that I will be so full of me,  without you

I was never one who was shy or afraid of sexuality or sex even at an early age. I was increasingly interested in it and have many a memory to attest to this. Even as a child, I knew that sex wasn’t some dirty little secret that was meant to be kept away from me or that it was “the naughty thing to do” but that it was a vessel of expression and frankly, it looked like a whole lot of fun. I of course didn’t believe this when I first encountered sex—it frankly scared me because I thought the two people were hurting each other from what I gathered from the sounds that were being made and the rapid, exertive movements they were doing—it was this very question that made me deeply wonder about sex itself, why was it something only adults did (and did often in my childhood home) and if it hurts why does it look like fun? We all have had our first introductions with sex when, as a child, you may have “overheard” your parents enjoying the company of each other in their private quarters. And ...

The student/apprentice that I am always feels the need to rebel against the teacher. It is a way of exerting intellectual independence counter to all the lessons taught and learned, expressing the internal truth I have within myself , expressing my own intelligence and it works this way, which is not always your way, the taught-to-be right way. I recognize this rebellion yet do not try to temper it. It is my learned behavior of learning. I am learning to come to understand in the teachers way now, with totality and without feint.

*this is an excerpt from a journal entry from January 1998, written as an self-exposition on a personal issue I needed to express and I felt strongly about and is still relevant today. After spending years on improving myself and my relationships, I now rest happily being the Master/Student always ready to learn and continue to evolve even further into my joyous Higher Self. I hope that by sharing this entry and exposing a deep layer of myself, it may give you the freedom to choose to do the same and stake your own claim to reach inside yourself and grow. Thank you for allowing me to share with you and if you find this helps you in anyway, feel free to comment and let me know. Live on! -M I accept the fact that I have commitment issues. Not some superficial explanations of my relationship shortcomings but a real and deeper exploration of my relationship issues. I am doing this so that I can love wholly and completely and without pretense or apprehension, and, above all else, wit...

My goodness how I have thought of you I remember those nights that I used to sit and long for you, How could I forget the way it felt to ache to hear your voice and see you Just one more time My goodness how I have thought of you I would open up the chasms deep inside And let you back in What more could there be in this world to fill the void The joy of being so connected in commiseration with you Just one more time

During this time of year, fresh off the heels of New Year celebrations and revelry, everybody starts talking about the changes they intend to bring in with them and implement. These changes, or resolutions, most of the time get lost and forgotten within months. We get bombarded by the media by "resolution stories" to the point of annoyance (to me). I don't make resolutions, I make choices of evolution. I intend to continue to change the way I conduct my life on many levels. I intend to make change in how I serve the world and my community. I intend to further embrace my creativity and my commitment to it and its expansion. I intend to strengthen my business so that it evolves and grows exponentially. I intend to grow my personal relationships and always express my love and adoration to those who are dear to me. I intend to continue to explore the world around me and share my point of view of it with you. I intend to always have an open heart, an open mind, and open eyes s...