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Showing posts from 2013

Go The Distance

I’ve asked 4 strength 2 carry on 2 move 4ward like a flicker of light I’ve flown away 2 join a new flock 2 be on my way with wings of courage and I’ve taken flight I’ve surveyed the stars and move full speed ahead 2 travel on with peace and understanding I’ve soared Far beyond any distance I have ever gone b4 2 find that I am one 2 have and one 2 hold, I will go the distance 2wards the freedom of love

The Screenwriter

In the city of broken dreams and falling angels, Los Angeles, you are sure to find many characters all ready to make it “big” and become a star. There are millions of such individuals in L.A., all with their own agendas, their own claims, their lifestyles. Sometimes, as it so happens in a big city, distant paths cross and intertwine. This is such an event that is bound to occur, especially when you’re faced with the loneliness of such a life and faced with keeping your sanity in the big city.
A number of years ago I decided to try my hand (yet again) at the internet dating scene. As I had been living my life more fully present and day-to-day as a transgendered woman, I felt that the time was right to see what kind of potential man was out there for a “new girl” like me. I put up a few profiles on sites like Yahoo! Dating, Match.com, AdultFriendFinder, a (now-defunct) national T-Girl/CD dating site, and for a more local approach, craigslist.  Each of the sites lent themselves to a uniq…

One Direction

Through our night together, you never said you missed me, told me how much you want me, how hard it was to be apart from me...yet all I did through the night was spoil you, tell you all the things you could ever want to hear, how much I have craved you these long days far away from you, just how much I have missed you...
It appears that we are going in one direction with two separate itineraries to the same place. It feels like we're not traveling on the same wavelengths as we once were, or I'm just a little bit lost in my way.
I hope we are both there together in the end.

Everytime

Every time we’re together I want nothing more than for you to stay  but at the beat of my yearning heart it is me who runs away  from the painful truth of the life you live with her  alone dreaming of the one you’ll never have with me yet the magnetic pull  draws us to each other time and again  to play our parts in this blissful tryst of which we both don’t want to ever end.  I will just have to live with having you in the fervent moments we share and trust in the passion you relish on me with exquisite care  in those fleeting moments  when I feel you’re not there and again you dress and turn the knob to go  all I know is this delicious treat of the forbidden is worth every dare,  every time.

Flash

A flash of skin shone as  the small of your back smiles at me, having me longing to caress  the creaminess of that exotic valley of flesh It is there that I want  to plant a gentle kiss  to show you how beautiful I think you are

An Adulterous Allowance

I'm your sweet sexy secret little play thing and I love it that way. I will be the one and only one with whom you can live out all of the secret fantasies you hold away from the world and release them into the realm of actuality, my body as the vessel on which you ride. You have the whole world watching you, but, with me, it is my eyes alone that get to see the minute details of your design.  I look at you and I see release, I see freedom, I see You.
Vous me faites ouvrir et cède à vous et il me remplit de plaisir si pur et intense. 
You allow me the honor of your favor again and again, the many stolen moments of time that we catch like flies in the air and hurried rush through our burning passion, until the time is gone and spent. When it is like this, I feel like the sweetest taboo. If only the world that watches you knew just how much you love this joy ride, but, it is me alone that gets to see the subtle and obvious of your intention. I turn to look at you and I see intensity,…

Destiny (Question #1)

What more do I have 2 do 2 make  u see that I was truly meant  4 u like u were truly meant  4 me?

A Change In You

There has been a change in you and it makes me feel Fresh and new and at the same time Old and gray and wary  of all of these new found abilities and all of these new found confidences that you have no qualms showing me I do not know if I should sit back and watch you behave in these new ways that you have acquired as your self,  or get up off of the floor and step aside for you and give you all the room you need  to be free and complete on your own

Sixteen Years

What should be a distant memory still feels as fresh as the new day. To think of the number of minutes I have spent trying to undo the countless moments I spent to keep you happy makes me wonder why I gave up so much time for such a failing proposition. I cannot believe how long I have been trying to forget and how strongly I ache to remember all of the great times to outweigh the horrendously bad times that came and washed us apart.
Sixteen years!
I still miss you unbelievably. I guess that means I still love you in some blind way or I am still in love with the thought of you and the hope of promise never fully materialized. I am deigned to repeat you again and have been fighting off the impending front of this strange possibility. I am never over you.
Sixteen years!
The clock ticked the seconds by and I am no further away from that last day with you than I was sixteen years in the past. I have only taken a few small steps in comparison. It is time to start to move at a fast leap and qui…

Five Minutes

All I want is five minutes of your time so I can sit down and look into your eyes and see past all of the words, listen beyond all of the lies you have ever told me about how you loved me and see the reality of what was. Five minutes is an eternity, an infinite amount of time to look at you again. I couldn’t bear the madness that would ensue, realizing that all of the lies were in fact truths and I have been the blindly loving fool,  skipping around in folly of a one-sided love tragedy.

Modern Life

Our modern life is not about market values, advertising outreach, political punditry, profit margins, browbeating, living in the proverbial box... it is about being one with nature, expressing love, opening your mind, using your creativity, understanding your individuality, and sharing everything you know joyfully with each other.

A Valentine: Masculine vs Feminine (V 2.013)

The following was originally written in 2005 in my personal digital journal in response to a conversation I was having over dinner with a group of young like-minded professionals who lived in my apartment building at the time. It appeared in a different form in its original entry, directed more in regards to the wider spectrum of our conversation and with some direction aimed at persons at the dinner.  What came from the entry was a letter of heart to myself, and all of its stirrings. I have held on to it with the intention of revising it and writing is as a "valentine" to myself. I began reading it again recently and decided to "finish" it and set it with a new heart and a mind. What follows is that "valentine" in its true form...
Enjoy and, as always, Love One Another.


Masculine vs Feminine (Remixed + Revisited)
I am naturally androgynous and EASILY blur the gender lines. And yes, that extends 2 my mannerisms and the way that I speak. I am feminine. I am 5…

A Valentine 2 U

Today is a day that was set aside to remind us of our inherent and divine gift: Love.
Love is the essence of all things; without it there would be nothing except nothing. It is the color with which we paint our world. It is the heart with which we feel. It is the eyes with which we see. It fuels the mind with which we come to understand. It comes from a place of knowing.

Go out today, and every day as a matter of truth and fact, and cultivate, create, share, express, live, and be Love.

Enjoy it...the Feel of and the Good of Love.


I Love You (yes, you) for many things: especially because you take care in looking, feeling, and being good, with your own personal style and flair and energy. Thank You.

*previously published on another site of which I am the publisher and owner of in 2010

Untitled 98 (twentythirteen Remix)

I can remember the color of the light  as it splayed itself across the white walls of the room  and the feel of you in my bed I can remember feeling the weight of the sounds of our love that was made your body pressed on mine, and you made me feel proud to say that I loved you and in comfortable contemplation of how easily I was caught then, once more and again.
Suspended in the absence of us I can see the empty look of all of the emptiness that lies within the knowing that there is no longer “we”, “us”, or even “them”, the impression that is left here now is the full understanding that there is now only a measure of time given as a token from another realm a nurturing realization that I will be so full of me,  without you

A Sneak Peek

I was never one who was shy or afraid of sexuality or sex even at an early age. I was increasingly interested in it and have many a memory to attest to this. Even as a child, I knew that sex wasn’t some dirty little secret that was meant to be kept away from me or that it was “the naughty thing to do” but that it was a vessel of expression and frankly, it looked like a whole lot of fun. I of course didn’t believe this when I first encountered sex—it frankly scared me because I thought the two people were hurting each other from what I gathered from the sounds that were being made and the rapid, exertive movements they were doing—it was this very question that made me deeply wonder about sex itself, why was it something only adults did (and did often in my childhood home) and if it hurts why does it look like fun? We all have had our first introductions with sex when, as a child, you may have “overheard” your parents enjoying the company of each other in their private quarters. And I…

Compelled

I don’t know what it is that draws me nearer to you It is like a magnetism that has no further pull than our inherent concentricity It is an electrical current that runs ever so swiftly through my entire being I am ignited by the very essence of you
I don’t know what it is that locks me in to your orbit It is a gravity that pushes me to pull you closer inside my depths It is the mechanism of union and the locomotion of energy I am set ablaze by the bottom of the blue-core flame of you There is nothing I can do to be set free from you I don’t ever want to go away from your side

Rebel Student

The student/apprentice that I am always feels the need to rebel against the teacher. It is a way of exerting intellectual independence counter to all the lessons taught and learned, expressing the internal truth I have within myself , expressing my own intelligence and it works this way, which is not always your way, the taught-to-be right way. I recognize this rebellion yet do not try to temper it. It is my learned behavior of learning. I am learning to come to understand in the teachers way now, with totality and without feint.

Committed

*this is an excerpt from a journal entry from January 1998, written as an self-exposition on a personal issue I needed to express and I felt strongly about and is still relevant today. After spending years on improving myself and my relationships, I now rest happily being the Master/Student always ready to learn and continue to evolve even further into my joyous Higher Self. I hope that by sharing this entry and exposing a deep layer of myself, it may give you the freedom to choose to do the same and stake your own claim to reach inside yourself and grow. Thank you for allowing me to share with you and if you find this helps you in anyway, feel free to comment and let me know. Live on! -M

I accept the fact that I have commitment issues. Not some superficial explanations of my relationship shortcomings but a real and deeper exploration of my relationship issues. I am doing this so that I can love wholly and completely and without pretense or apprehension, and, above all else, without fe…

Knots

At the very thought of what you represent You put my stomach in knots and stir an ache so deep There is no escape; I am trapped within my own womb by the seed you have planted Within me Who is to know what will blossom in my private garden or What weeds will grow; how can you tender me to nurture the Idea that has been Awakened I cannot give it safe passage because my core betrays it with a simple thought of you Twisted and tied against the unchain joy of what this new birth brings You put me on an edge above the precipice of beginnings Only to wretch against the impending final moment Imagined
There is nothing more real than the happiness that you promise and the fear of not ever having it again that keeps me twisted in this mess of emotions playing false tricks on my expanding mind and my growing heart. There is nothing more real than the true possibility of Forever and the true fact of Never. There is only this moment this thought this feeling of wonder and opportunity to fall so deep into Y…

One More Time

My goodness how I have thought of you I remember those nights that I used to sit and long for you, How could I forget the way it felt to ache to hear your voice and see you Just one more time
My goodness how I have thought of you I would open up the chasms deep inside And let you back in What more could there be in this world to fill the void The joy of being so connected in commiseration with you Just one more time

Evolution Resolution

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During this time of year, fresh off the heels of New Year celebrations and revelry, everybody starts talking about the changes they intend to bring in with them and implement. These changes, or resolutions, most of the time get lost and forgotten within months. We get bombarded by the media by "resolution stories" to the point of annoyance (to me).

I don't make resolutions, I make choices of evolution.
I intend to continue to change the way I conduct my life on many levels. I intend to make change in how I serve the world and my community. I intend to further embrace my creativity and my commitment to it and its expansion. I intend to strengthen my business so that it evolves and grows exponentially. I intend to grow my personal relationships and always express my love and adoration to those who are dear to me. I intend to continue to explore the world around me and share my point of view of it with you. I intend to always have an open heart, an open mind, and open eyes so…

The Beam Shines On

It doesn't matter the time, incident, or place because Love will always be present and will always heal. time is irrelevant and has no bearing when it comes to loss or pain or strife because Love will come in and will always heal. life ebbs and flows and continues on because Love will always be present and will always heal. it is a gun with a beam of Divine Lovelight and it shines on. Forever.

I point it at you, at me, at the world, at the Universe. I point the Beam of Love.