Saturday, December 24, 2016

Out of everything, I miss you. Oh! So much!
What you've cast and woven, I cannot turn away from, nor do I want to.
You're my need. Without you I feel so tight. Unravel me.



I want you deep inside
where you are the closest

Papahoggies (A Love Letter of Thanks)


Sunday, December 18, 2016


 Please excuse me for sending you an email message, but for the strangest happenstance, I don't have any of your personal contact info on my current device; I would have just texted. And, as you know, I am not on social media so I couldn't just send you a FB message. Oh, this modern world.

 I was just thinking about you this evening. Thinking of you in that deep way one sometimes does. Well, not "one" but me. I have so many fond memories of you. I am still in such amazement that you and I became friends, in that magical way that we came together. As simple as it was, there was indeed magic there. I am still touched by it. And oh how quickly our lives aligned with each other and we began creating memories that when we think back on them, as time moves forward, they are part of our youth. I am still moved by it.  We were there for each other in some dire times, and we were there for each other in some bright times, too. We were a part of each other at those times when our lives had begun to diverge and we started on new paths. I am still reeled by it.

 All these thoughts of you live in a place that is home to me. They live in my heart. I thank you for it.

 Although we aren't privy to the minutiae of our daily lives, and we are separated by miles of road and earth and sometimes expanses of water, you are with me always. All I have to do is think about your Doheny Drive apartment (it's been torn down). All I have to do is think about Theory (or Helmut Lang). All I have to think about is Christmas (trimming your tree, watching "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"). All I have to do is think about San Francisco. All I have to do is think about you.

Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for having loved me with soul. Thank you for listening to me. Thank you for letting me be a part of your youth. Thank you for letting me be a part of your adulthood. Thank you for everything.

 I love you, my dear sweet smart special friend xxoxx


(December 17, 2016)

The Questionable Experience of Lust


Wednesday, December 14, 2016

The questionable experience of lust of the flesh is one that leaps from the longing for another's energy. This is a fleeting reach for it is temporary and is futile to give into it, you can't ever win, you can't get satisfaction. What you touch doesn't last long. It is never yours to claim. It is a false and sad replacement for the lasting endurance of Love.

"Sunday Morning"


Tuesday, December 13, 2016

On Aug 9, 2015, at 9:29 AM, "Mx Amoureaux" wrote:

Oh how lovely it would be to sneak under your covers and give you a deep wet kiss and taste the droplets of salty sweetness that escape from you when I come up for air. You’re the most delicious thing to me. Miss you. Need you. So in love with you. Xox

On Aug 9, 2015 9:35 AM, "XX" wrote:

Will u do that to me soon baby?

On Aug 9, 2015, at 9:38 AM, “Mx Amoureaux” wrote:

Absolutely yes. I'd do that to you every morning.

On Aug 9, 2015 9:42 AM, "XX" wrote:

Mmmmm fuck. Want that so badly

On Aug 9, 2015, at 10:11 AM, "Mx Amoureaux" wrote:

And I want to do that to you, so badly and often. But you have to promise that we’ll sit quietly afterward reading the Sunday Times and I get the Arts section first ;)

On Aug 9, 2015 at 10:21 AM “XX” wrote:

I promise

Tyrant I/II


Friday, November 4, 2016


 I must seem like a tyrant when it comes to Love,
not sure if I want it or not, I push away when it comes time to pull in,
always doing things to fail myself from falling deep again, 
all the while wishing for the things I felt and have lost along the way. 
I call my guards up and begin to wage war against these things because of and in the name of Love.

I do this to heal the hurt and pain that falling deep into Love has left me. 
Self-inflicted, self-vindicated, is it real pleasure or real pain? 
The wages of battle are surely ache and loss, a price I don't want to be obliged to pay.


I give my body away like it were a worthless coin, trying to forget that the truth is
 I am a precious jewel, a rare delight.
I urge the soldier of my own choosing to go deeper, into the place that only I know,
to leave his essence to fill me up where I feel empty, 
to leave a Light on inside 
so that I don't go Dark.

Question Series 1


Topic: Sexual Positions--Doggy: On All Fours, Knees Together or Apart ?

Question: Do you do doggy style with your knees open or together? Or do you let him decide? Open lets him stand directly behind you with his legs together. Knees together lets him stand directly behind you with your feet between his slightly spread legs. Feedback? Am I the only one who thinks about crazy shit like this? (TM in FL)

I've never given this particular position (all 4's, knees together) much thought but nowthat you bring it to my attention, I find that I'm often in this position when being taken doggy--perhaps because I'm a smaller build (5'9", 130#) it is easier for my Lover to naturally place me in this position, and yes, it is more "feminine" which is also why I'm taken this way when in doggy (most all of my regular Lovers are heterosexually-identified). My own little quirk to this is, so that I have more stability, I always cross my feet over each other too like an X. It helps me I guess to stay connected to the floor/bed so my Lover can go in and plow away at his own desired depth and pace as he holds my little waist.
In reverse, I also find that my Lovers will put me in Missionary with my legs on his shoulders and my knees pressed against me. Again, I instinctively cross my feet if they're relaxed behind his head, or if his hands are pushing my knees down, they'll rest easily on his shoulders or simply flat against his chest.

Body Talk


Friday, April 29, 2016

I want to write down my feelings and tell you how you make me feel,
tomes of hefty works filled with words
When we get together I fall silent, all of those words escape me
I let my body do the talking
and express my feelings
It is the secret language we speak to each other
There is no need for translation,
All meaning is understood

On Liberation


Sunday, January 3, 2016

I have set myself on a course of real liberation. I feel the new freedom moving through me. It feels great and energizing. I realize the more you peel away layers of whatever protective shell you cover yourself with and remove them, the only thing you become is your true Self. I used to think that peeling away these layers leads to Nothing because I felt nothing at the core. This was a fabrication made up by Fear. I know now I was sorely mistaken. What you become is quite distinct--you become integrated with your Self and with the Highest, which is to become Everything. And to be everything...that is beautiful.



I can't trust you.

Trust is a big, huge thing for me. It has to be, it is the basis of a relationship--platonic, emotional, sexual, spiritual, et al.
If I can't trust you, I can't love you in the only way I know how, honestly.

So don't fault me when I lie to you. I will not blame you for going away.
I didn't believe in you in the first place so I was not honest to begin with. 
The loss is yours, not mine.

Honesty is the best, the biggest, most important policy.

La porte est ferme



I haven’t heard from you for quite a few days now and just wanted to make sure that you are faring well and making strides in your progress.

I was left with the impression that we would at least talk and get some truths out into the space between us so they can dissipate into the ether and we could move forward/onward but it appears perhaps this isn’t going to happen. Perhaps for you leaving silently is the best way to go. I can respect that…

I want to thank you for the time you shared and spent with me and I will always be honored to know a part of the real you. I really grew fond of you these three years and I only ever wanted to give you the pure freedom of pleasure that I know you need and deserve. I thank you for allowing me to simply feel, especially at a time for me when I didn’t think I could or wanted to. I thank you for sharing with me the sweetness that I have always felt and seen in you. These are but a few of the gifts you have given me and that I will always be thankful for.
I wish you much success in the upcoming future and may you continue to thrive and prosper in all ways and in all things you set yourself towards. I really hope for only the best for you—this is all I have ever wanted for you, R. 

Always with Love,
(November 22, 2015)

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