Pleasure Perfect (Shangri-La)

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Friday, December 5, 2014

What you do to me, my Love, I have come to know as mon plaisir parfaite; like magic you find it there in my joyful depths every time. Mmmmm...my pussy flowered open by your beautiful thick cock, making it feel so good from the tip of its head to the full of its base and then throughout your body and back into mine. That's the most amazing feeling to me, of all things--that right there!!

With each thrust and throb you give me, I am transported...Heaven.

It's absolutely perfect because everything you do to me and I do to you, sends us to another place, worth the visit each and every time. We are a vessel in which ecstasy is the coin and fuel, ridings on the rhythms of our bodies grinding to le battement de nos coeurs.

There is no place else in all the Universe I would rather be than when you are nearest to me, conjoined and entwined. It is my Shangri-La...Divine.

A LIttle Advice

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Thursday, December 4, 2014

There was this guy sitting near to me, ogling another guy (the barista as a matter of fact) and I could feel the sexual tension between them dancing a ballet in the air. It was so thick you could've sliced it and served it up as the dessert special of the day. 
I quietly watched, patiently waiting for that magic moment when the tension breaks and the two of them would go into the john and play at making love or babies. 
I waited, and waited. For two hours. 

Nothing, except for one vague and failed compliment ("has anyone ever told you that you look like Randy Travis?" followed by the equally inquisitive "Who??"). 

"Just do it," I wanted to scream, "tell him that you want to settle down and live the American dream together or see the world in a flash of glory, or at the very least that you wanna fuck him senseless!". 

The guy left before I could even say one word to him and even before he himself could muster up the courage to show any affections to his object of attraction. 

We both left, speechless.

Smile

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Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Did you know you would have to catch your breath the first time you laid eyes on me like I had known I'd have to for you?
My heart stood still for a beat until I heard your sweet voice say my name and joy skipped across my face
caught in the knowing, 
I smiled

Did you know that you'd hold a special place in my life the first time you laid eyes on me like I had known I'd have with you?
My  mind's at ease and my spirit is in comfort and my soul is enveloped lying next to you and held in your embrace
caught in the knowing, 
I smile

Did you know you would still care for me after I am gone the first time you laid eyes on me like I had known I'd do for you?
My mind is filled with lasting pleasant memories each time I think of you, when I wonder of when next I'll hear your sweet voice, stilled that I will always love you
caught in the knowing, 
I will smile

Love Gun

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Friday, November 28, 2014

Love is in control but it is me who holds the gun 
Ready to aim,
 my eye on the target
my focus is on sight, 
I pull the trigger and in the flash
you are caught

Fish Out of Water

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Saturday, October 25, 2014

I have swam in the deep dark sea of denial for far too long. Its cold temperatures have failed me, mistaking its rush for warmth.
I have swam against currents of my own power and fought to win against the ebb of the tide, fought to win against the rip currents, only to lose myself every time, sinking deeper into murkier depths. I have fallen so far down into the abyss that the underworld of the sea appeared full of splendor and magic.
It was all an illusion.
I come up for air now, permanently exiting the water and laying down on the shore. I strive for my land legs to sprout from my fins, laying down on the shore, gasping for air to fill my gills as they turn back to lungs. On the shore, I bask in the daylight, in the warmth of the sun.
I am exhausted and exhilaration rises from within. I am renewed by my will to evolve.
The realization begins, transforming me anew.

Le Soleil et l'ombre/ Sun and Shade

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Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Tu est comme le soleil à moi, lumineux et brillant et brûlant; il est là, dans tes yeux! Que vais-je faire? Je suis fait à l'aveugle par le frisson de notre affaire. 
Puis-je me reposer à l'ombre, même si je sais que je vous y trouver? 
Peu importe, je me consume et se prélasser dans la lueur de votre étoile...




You are like the sun to me, bright and brilliant and burning; it is there in your eyes!
What am I to do? I am made blind by the thrill of our affair. 
Do I rest in the shade even when I know I find you there? 
No matter, I am consumed and bask in the glow of your star...


Swim (Part 2)

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Wednesday, July 9, 2014

My Love,

Thank you for being a light to show me the way forward.

Thank you for illuminating my heart.

Thank you for giving me hope that love still exists here for me.

Thank you for being my kindred spirit and for finding me again and for bringing me back to myself, centered and balanced and complete.

I will always feel you, I will always love you, I will always know you in this present existence and beyond through the veil and expanse of time.

-M
July 9, 2009


Fuzzy Dreams Come True

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Thursday, July 3, 2014

I woke up from a fuzzy dream this morning that made me laugh and struck me as strange: I dreamt that my good old friend Rubin and I had sex, not once but three times, in the span of a day, in various guises, positions, and temperaments. We were of course, having lots of fun, laughing and carrying on as two old friends do but there was an intensity to the passion of each of our encounters. There was a strong sense of desire and lust for each other that isn't usually there between two old friends. Mix that with familiarity, and the feeling is one of something akin to love. I couldn't shake the intensity of his dream eyes, staring and piercing into the core of me at the moment of deliverance, the final image left on my mental dream screen. 

Later in the day, I actually had to speak to Rubin and I mentioned my morning dream to him. We had a real good laugh over it! Afterward, I found myself wondering why such an intense dream about a good friend had to play itself out in the way it did.  Could it just be that I was missing my friend after having spent a wonderful two days with him and his husband just last week-end? 
Could it be that some emotional representation in the dream form of Rubin was telling me something in the esoteric way that dreams often do? Could I still be fantasizing the one and only real life sexual encounter between Rubin and I sixteen years ago (before I had lady parts)?  Back then, we had an explosive three way with a very well hung and handsome "daddy" in a gay bathhouse who took turns penetrating both of us, our teen asses up for his taking while we kissed each other, whispered moans and promises of keeping this a special secret of our youth, while actually enjoying our young bodies and our budding sexual maturity together, forging a bond of brotherhood that still lasts between us.

Hours later and completely putting the details of my dream aside and letting the day take over, I was walking down Wilshire Blvd past the Beverly Wilshire Hotel to meet a friend for a late lunch. I see a guy sitting full face in the direct sun, his head slightly down looking at a tablet. 
"He looks familiar..?" I say to myself as I quickly and secretly check him out. I make a mental note of him and keep walking. After my quick lunch date, I proceed back to my place, walking again down Wilshire, past the hotel. 
The same handsome man is now sitting facing my direction, back to the sun. I see him and try to check him out, this time the sun in my eyes. I squint from the glare as I look in his direction. 
He waves at me to get my attention and asks me, "other than this place here, where is a nice place nearby to have a drink?" He has an accent, Spanish. Very nice. "My goodness, he looks like Rubin!" I think to myself. Caught off guard not by his question but by the similarities of him and my friend, I try to answer as succintly as I can. 
"You can't do any better than here. There is also another nice hotel bar lounge a block up Rodeo Drive," I answer and point north toward the street I mention. 
"Is that where we're going then? For a drink together?" He answers. Assertive and confident, double nice. His sexy accent starts to work on me. 
"I may be a little under dressed for a drink with you there right now," I say. 
He replies, "You look perfect. You have such beautiful eyes! It is them I'll be looking at, and your lips as you sip your drink, and your smile as we talk and get to know each other, not your dress, which is very nice. My name is Rodrigo. You are?" 
"M. Very nice to meet you Rodrigo.  You look very much like a friend of mine, you could be twins!" I say. 
"Oh really?," he asks. 
I answer, "Yes. The resemblance...uncanny. Shall I just join you here or are you just chatting me up?" I coyly reply. 
"Wait, I will exit and come out to you," Rodrigo says. He gets up and takes his bag and table check and walks off. 

I have just mere moments to decide what to do next. As a modern girl, it's not unusual to have some strange, good looking man chat you up. Most times, these things lead to just small talk and a quick "nice to meet you" and I'm on my way. Rodrigo was a man of action, no doubt. Add to that, his face: the same deep set blue eyes, slim nose, full-lipped mouth, milky complexion, and, if he had a full head of dark hair instead of an all over close crop buzz cut, he really could have been Rubin. Except, more masculine, taller, decidely "straight", and Spanish. He had the right formula: tall, dark, handsome, and foreign. I decided then, what the hell, have a drink with this man. It's 4:30pm, one drink is fine. 

He comes out towards me. Smartly dressed in a crisp white shirt and navy blue slim trousers, I take in his physique. Tall, broad shoulders, an outline of muscles in his shoulders and arms and legs from some sort of athleticism, slim waist, tan leather belt which matched his shoes, both Gucci. Silver Rolex watch, a wedding band on his right hand. My moral compass reflects on his wedding band for a split second but the libertine in me quickly dismisses it. It's just drinks, and we both know through subtle hints, it is an innocent enough situation about to occur that will allow us to believe everything that could possibly transpire after a drink or two was all because of the "moment". I give way to this falsehood, and we walk north on Rodeo Drive toward the hotel lounge at the Luxe. 

As we walk, we chat a little. I find out he is from Buenos Aires, Argentina, here in town on business. He works in film. I tell him that I work in fashion and that I'm also an artist/writer. He comments on the perfect fit of my dress, noticing it is Lanvin. Impressive, a man who knows style. He comments on my wild and sexy curly hair. It blows in the wind as we walk up to the hotel and enter the doors. 
"The lounge is upstairs, on the roof. There is a lovely view of Los Angeles, which I think you'll like. Come," I say and push the button to call the elevator. 
We get in. He stands on my left and slightly behind me. He puts his hand on my right shoulder, softly touching the skin exposed by my sleeveless dress with his full hand, then his index finger. He stops short. Already, electricity moves down my body. The seduction has begun. 
The elevator operator announces we've arrived, and wishes us a good afternoon. "I'm sure it's going to be," I say to him, and wink as we exit. 

We enter the lounge, the hostess escorting us to a table for two, "for aperetifs" Rodrigo says to her. We are seated at a table with a view over Rodeo Drive and west toward the direction of the Pacific Ocean. "It is a lovely view," Rodrigo says, "but you in front of me is even lovelier" he finishes. The waiter comes to us and Rodrigo orders two champagnes. My favorite! Our drinks come and we toast, "to a beautiful afternoon in Los Angeles," I say, our glasses clinking and pressing to our lips as we sip the first taste of the bubbles. 
"I was watching you walk toward me earlier and pretended to not see you and looked down. You are a confident walker, like a cat," he reveals to me. 
"You must have caught me checking you out then? Because I was. I was trying to be sly about it!" I say. 
"No, but when I turned to not be in the sun and you were walking past again, I did notice," he says. 
"The sun was in my eyes then! I was squinting and trying to not be obvious! Was I? I must have looked silly, " I laughingly say. 
"No, it was endearing. I had to get your attention then, I had to know you," he says. 
"Well, here we are, getting to know one another," I say seductively. 
I take another sip, and place my glass down. He takes the opportunity to touch and caress my hand. I respond and caress his. Our eyes gaze into each other. I can't shake the fact that he looks so much like Rubin. I ponder on my dream, thinking perhaps it was a premonition of some sort. Stranger things have happened. 

We talk some more, and flirt even more. I find out about his life in Argentina, more about his work. He does the same with me. He sidles closer to me. "I want to take you to my room and show you something," he whispers to me. "I'm sure I know. Yo sabes, si..," I reply. "Ah, tu no sabes que..," he answers. In his native tongue, it sounds like the language of love. I want to hear more. "Are you staying at the other hotel?" I ask. He answers yes, "And a difficult walk back there for me how I am now," indicating his excited nature. I motion for the waiter, and ask him to bring us another round, with the idea that I'd let Rodrigo cool off a little before we walk back down the street. 

We enjoy our second drink standing up looking at the view and the street below. Rodrigo is behind me most of the time. I can feel his swollen excitement against me when he presses close. I subtly lean into it a few times, teasing him just a little. I point down to a yellow Rolls Royce driving up the street. "That belongs to a man called Bijan, who has a boutique right here. It's a bit garish and loud, isn't it?," I say. Rodrigo laughs. I turn toward him and knowing this seduction has come to a turning point, begin to explain to him that I am not like "other girls". He stops me with a finger to my lips and says, "You are what I like. I like a woman who is...different." He moves his hands along the sides of my figure, to my small hips. He rests his hands there, holding the small of my waist. Looking into my eyes, he says it is time to go. He leans forward as if to put his lips on mine. My lips in anticipation, slightly part. He intentionally dives  away and smells my perfumed neck. I lean back a little, and close my eyes for a mere second. Excitement rolls through me. I am caught, and he knows it. 

Our short walk back to the Beverly Wilshire was the longest walk ever. We sidle close to each other, play at holding hands, coyly touch each others arms and hips and diverge away from each other, a walk of pure seduction. We enter the hotel and go to the elevator. If there wasn't an elevator operator in the car with us, I'm sure we would have started undressing and caressing then but we refrain and wait until we get to the sitting room of his suite. 

There, in the privacy of his lavish quarters, the seduction that began a couple of hours ago comes to full fruition. Rodrigo spends no time at waste, pressing against me, and kissing my neck. I lean back and let him nibble away. My hands move all over him, finally getting to feel his sexy athlectic litghly hairy body. I unbutton his shirt, he unzips my dress. I unbuckle his belt and unzip his trousers, he pulls my dress down. Our clothes fall away quickly. Our hands move all over the place as our lips kiss together and part, kissing down each other's necks and face. Our passion is at full speed. Our eyes constantly meet. The fuzzy dream I had this morning begins to fade and blend with this moment. It was a premonition, no question about it now. The Rubin in my dream is now realized as Rodrigo. I smile at the thought of it, and thank my intuition for the psychic preparation. 

With just our underclothes on, Rodrigo leads me from the sitting room to the bedroom. He lifts me and places me on the bed, plush pillows under my head, with my wild curly hair everywhere. I still have my heels on. He makes no move to take them off, as he pulls down my panties. I unhinge my bra, my small breasts now free. He suckles my right nipple, one of my weak spots. He bites it too. I moan. He pinches the left one at the same time. More moans. He brings his face to mine, kissing me deeply and placing his body on mine. I pull down his briefs, exposing his hard and thick uncut cock. I touch and squeeze it, tiny gobs of juice escape from it. It is so hard and so thick. I kiss him back deeply, relishing the joyful taste of his mouth and the excitement of his cock pressing on my body. He runs his fingers through my hair, his hand on my neck, his lips on mine. His weight bearing on me, I move under him. He writhes on top. I wrap my legs around him. He rubs my thighs and hips and wraps my long legs around him further. He reaches under and cups my buttocks. I arch up to feel him press against me more. Our eyes met and part and meet again. Our dance is fast and furious and we're both lost in its wild, ecstatic tango. 

He rolls me on top of him and pulls my breasts toward his mouth. He suckles and bites my nipples, at first softly and then more urgently. He then starts to bite them. I moan loudly and urge him on. He alternates from sucking to nibbling to biting and I don't stop him. If feels so good and hurts so good at the same time. My entire body urges him on with moans and yelps of pleasure. I reach down and back and stroke his hard cock. I can feel his excitement and can feel his heart beating through the throbbing pulses his cock jolts as I'm stroking him. More juice escapes from it. He finds my spot and feels the wetness there. He puts his fingers inside of me, feeling me from inside. His fingers are covered with my juices and he uses it to play in and around my yoni. I feel myself coming up to a high and fight myself to fall back down. He knows what he's doing to me and continues. More moans of delight escape me between his hard kisses. 

He rolls me onto my back again, with him back on top. He pushes my hands firmly down above my head. My breasts are exposed, my body there for him to take. He looks straight at me, those blue eyes driving deep into me and says "I want to torment you with passion. This is what I wanted to show you here," and dives down to my breasts again and bites them hard. I wince but relish the pain until it turns pleasing. He licks my nipples gently but goes back to biting them hard. Again, I crest and fall. My yoni is wet and slick. He is still holding me down. I playful fight against him but he holds me down stronger, all with one hand. His other is at my yoni, fingering it deliciously. In and out and all around his fingers go. "You are so wet, bebita" he says as he sweetly bangs away at me. Wishing I could stroke his throbing cock but can't because my arms are down, I try with my feet to touch his cock. He spanks my leg back down. I obey. 

Rodrigo fingers me and bites my breasts still, and moves from them to my neck, where he also nibbles then bites hard. He moves to my ears, another weak spot, and licks them. I writhe more. He goes back to biting my neck, intent on taking a bite. What should hurt only brings pleasure. He moves toward my armpit and bites the breast muscles there. I have never been bitten there before. It feels so good! He nibbles and bites more, intent on actually eating a piece of me. I struggle against him but it is futile. He releases his hold on my arms and I quickly move my hand to his cock. I stroke it and play with it. I ache to taste it but he stays on top of me, kissing me while I pleasure him with my hand. He fingers me still, and then grabs his own cock and spanks my mound with it. I feel his heat there and I arch to invite him in. He spanks my slit again and rubs himself against it. I ache for it and we kiss deeply. 

I move my yoni away slightly as we kiss. "Let me get..." I whisper and he knowingly says " I have some here," and reaches to the nightstand and opens the drawer. He pulls out a string of three Magnums, that familiar gold wrapper shining. He opens one and gives it to me. I unroll it onto him, and it fits like a perfect glove. He goes back to knocking on my door again, and I arch and open, letting him in. His heat collides with mine. It is an inferno between us. He drives himself in full, and his girth is haughty but I open to take it. His pulls almost out and drives in deep and hard again. I yearn to take him. My wetness grows and I feel myself slick as he begins to drive in and out at an assertive speed. We're kissing passionately. Our eyes meet and we smile at each other. I wrap my legs around his manly body as he fucks into me. We moan together in pleasure. Rodrigo hasn't ignored my nipples or any of my other soft spots, continuing to work them over as he fucks me. There is nothing I feel except heightened, intense pleasure. 

We change position, with him behind me. I arch my body down but he raises me up as he torments my nipples. I have no choice but to come up. He hungrily bites my neck at the same time. I wrap my arms around him, he bites my arms and neck and my back, rough deep bites. He pummels into me as he does this. By this time I have cum twice. 
He pushes my head down and pulls himself out of me. I turn to face him and say "Oh please Papi, put yourself back inside me! Please?"
 "You want? Tu quieres, bebita? Si?" he says. He touches the entry point and leans in but pulls back saying, "Are you sure?" 
"Yes, I am!" I moan. He puts the head in and slowly enters. I open for him. He pulls out again and asks me again if it is him that I want. He's tormenting me further, I know. I moan and sigh an emphatic yes. He drives full stop into me. I swallow him. He pulls out again fully and drives back in again with the same force. My eyes roll into the back of my head, blood rushing all over me sending heat to all parts of my body. He grabs my hips and drives in and out of me. I let him take my body on a ride. "Use me to make your self feel good, Papi. Yes!" I cry out. He does just that, as if he is ignoring me and rides me hard and deep. Our bodies slap hard against each other. I count the "thump-pound-thump" of the bed with his thrusts, 45 and counting. 

At around 72, he drives into me deep and pauses. He pulls out and flips me over, back onto my back. He parts my legs and enters me deeply. He cups my buttocks from underneath to tilt me up and puts his mouth to my breasts, biting very hard as he thrusts into my slickness. His rhythm grows as do his thrusts. I relax into his thrusts and enjoy his ardent motion. I feel him grow more solid and thick and know the moment is coming. He comes up and kisses me deeply, pressing his body onto me. As I pulse and milk him and come to my own final climax, I feel his cock begin to throb its final measures. We look into each others eyes and I feel him pulse inside me, volleys of joy exploding into the condom. We smile at the moment of our shared crescendo, and kiss again as we give into its fall. 

Spent and happy, Rodrigo looks down at me. Our eyes meet and there is that sexy smile, much like, if not the same as, the final moment of this morning's dreamscape. Both moments come forward into my mind and blend again. I smile back at him, knowing for sure that yes, it was a premonition, definitely. I secretly thank my intuition again for its prescience and relish in knowing that fuzzy dreams do come true. 

The Journey of My Renaissance

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Saturday, May 24, 2014

There are so many places that I want to go--how many destinations will I eventually visit on this road of independence and freedom? I can't know unless I travel steadfastly and assured. 

It has taken quite some time to get to the place that I am at without you and I have done it all by myself, done it on my own terms and with my own resolve, weighed by my own strength and measured by my own ruler. 

How can I know if it is meant to be done all in this way if I think, if I doubt that it can't be done alone? How and when will I know otherwise? I have to trust--trust that I'm going the right way forward and toward an honest place, onward to a place of peaceful existence. 

I must continue to learn that everything is a lesson and examine what knowledge I have gained from a worthy teacher such as you. So many lessons filled with tests and challenges, all of which I have passed with brilliant and flying colors. I take each and every step forward and continue to find out if each move forward moves me along my evolutionary road.

All I have to do is put my best foot forward and put the means before me and utilize them to their fullest potential and know that they will provide. With this I soldier on the journey of my renaissance, the journey of life.

Finally Our Time

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Sunday, May 4, 2014

All I want to do is to raise you up to heights you have never gone before
my love can do this
it is a coin I must pay because you have given this service to me lifetimes ago
My love is a river that runs deeper than any ocean, 
it will wash away all that has become painful and burdensome and clear away the debris
I want no thing in return
I want only the grace of loving you and you loving me equally
It is finally our time

Swim (Part 1)

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My Love,

I remember the city under the sea and being with you there in that incarnation that was seemingly so long ago and only just yesterday, confounded in the strangeness of Time. Every minute detail comes rushing back!! How we were so United, and ultimately Divided. 
Politics, the art of the Impossible; Love, the art of the Possible.

You were who I was running to--and we meet again on dry land, only to transcend the earth and fly.


We will stop "missing" each other when we give each a piece of our self to the other and carry it with us through our days...
You can give it to me and I will give it to you--we will turn it into Light together.

Your nuances are endearing, for they tickle me pink and rainbow bright. They lend to moments of folly, and eons of little dreams, where I find you there, gentle as the Sun on my face. You soothe me.


May I be the solace you seek.
Let me make you feel better...

-M
May 4, 2009

Sutra (In Praise of a Union)

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Saturday, March 22, 2014

I am the carafe to carry your milk, 
mingled with the honey of my Existence
All that is living springs forth in joyous splendor, 
a union of lovers Divine.
Come forward and fill my cistern 
with the waters of Ecstasy until I'm left to overflow 
with praise of such a gift as your Love,
a union of souls entwined.

The Pleasure of a Friday Evening

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Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Thursday morning, 10:11 am text message thread
Him: How much longer until you’re here in my arms?  :) I miss u, need u.
Me: I miss you. 24 little hours, baby.
Him: you free tomorrow eve?
Me: YES, all yours. In need of you and the pleasure you give me.
Him: Good.

Thursday night, 6pm, American Airlines Flight  85 somewhere above Nevada
My thoughts are white hot, especially now that I’m on my way like a winged goddess returning to her temple. Perhaps it’s the glass of wine or perhaps the anticipation of seeing Him again. My panties are damp from the delicious thoughts I’ve been playing in my mind about tomorrow’s date night. I reminisce on just how great it is to give myself to Him, how he takes me on thrilling rides of so much joy. He knows how to get me to places only he has directions to. I can’t wait to land and get onto the streets of San Francisco, being chauferred to bed. Being with Him can’t come soon enough.

Friday morning, 7:03 am W Hotel San Francisco
I dreamt of Him eating my sweetness in the back seat of my car: my feet pointed and arched against the interior ceiling, my head thrown back in joy, our eyes meeting as his tongue laps at me, darts inside and savoring the taste of my inner walls, gliding out to kiss and bath my lips with his hungry kisses, fingers plying my hearth open and feeling all around. Very soon, this will no longer be a dream. I languidly get out of bed. I walk to the bathroom and turn on the shower. I look at my reflection in the mirror and smile. I look aroused, I look ready to be taken. I pinch my left nipple while standing there, savoring the tingling sensation of it. I get in the shower, very cautious to not touch my self seductively, to hold at bay the growing urge just a few hours longer.

Friday morning, 8:55am text message thread
Me: It’s wet and sexy today. At least that’s how I feel :) Tonight, 8pm?
Him: yes baby
Me: Oh goodie
I walk down the street with a happy stride to meet a friend for breakfast, smiling widely, despite the downpour of rain.

Friday  evening, 5:17pm text message thread
Me: “I can’t wait ‘til I get home so u can turn my cherry out…”
Him: Me too

Friday evening, 7:35pm W Hotel San Francisco
       The bellman leaves after I give him a tip for bringing me a prettily wrapped package, from Him: a beautiful golden brown long wig with layered front bangs. A look that is definitely different from my usual one of wildly curly hair. Even if I had blown my hair straight, it would never look like the wig. To be his but appear unlike what he’s accustomed to, it just gets me even more excited for tonight.  The note attached reads: “For my Beauty, more Beauty.”

Friday evening, 7:51pm text message thread
Him: will u tell me when u are ready?
Me: Yes, almost done. Just putting on the finishing touches. You can come now.
Him: Ok. Gonna roll a little joint for later then head over.
Me: C’est parfait
Him: On way
Me: K
Him: Let’s keep it real simple tonight. No talking. Just want to be near you. That’s what I need.
Me: Whatever you want your pretty little young thing to do
Him: :)
Me: I’m extra pretty tonight. I hope you like ;)
Him: I’m certain I will. Will u be comfortable on your ur knees?
Me: Don’t you worry about me; on my knees for you is all I’ve wanted today.
Him: :). Mmmm. I’m here.
Me: Room 319. The door is open for you.

Friday evening, 8:04pm. Room 319, W Hotel San Francisco
       I have to tell myself to be calm, and do a few quick meditative breaths to still the anticipation that’s hurdling up inside of me. I inhale, and exhale. I’m so aware of every part of my body. My nipples brush against my jersey top, growing firm with each breath. My sweet spot twitches with happiness, the ache that lives deep inside of it is soon to get its fill. My eyes dance as I look  at the door. It latches open. There he is, as handsome as ever. His thick brown hair is brushed down into an appropriate coif, His glowing and creamy skin, his clean shaven face, his devilish smile upon his face as he takes me in with his gaze.
“Hi baby”, he whispers sweetly. “Hi”, I reply. He approaches me, and wraps his arms around and presses against me. “You look especially beautiful tonight. This look suits you ", he says. He gently strokes the wig, and caresses my face.The jersey of my dress is no barrier against his heat and mine. They collide and send tingles all through my body. Oh, to feel him, to hold him, to smell his masculine sent mingled with his cologne. Divinity in essence.“Are you ready for a fun time tonight? I am”, he says taking my hand. He picks up my jacket and holds it up. I place myself into its form. He turns me around and zips it up. We look at each other’s faces, smiles planted and shining back at each of us. He leans in and kisses me. My mouth responds in kind. His tongue probes gently into my mouth. I receive it and dance his tongue around. We press our lips together, mouths affectionately greeting. He pulls away reluctantly and says, “Let’s go”. We leave my room and walk down the corridor to the elevator.  His grip on my hand is confident, as is his stride. I will follow him to wherever he leads me.

Friday night, 10:18pm Boulevard Restaurant, Financial District San Francisco
I adore Him for taking me to my favorite restaurant in town. There really isn’t a place that can come close to it back home in Los Angeles. Perhaps it’s the nearby view of the Bay Bridge, twinkling like a constellation in the background, or all the wood paneling and soft lighting. I think it’s because I’m with Him finally, after a grueling travel schedule for work. It’s never easy during Awards Season. You’re at the whim of everyone else, not there for the one with whom you’d really do anything for. I like that he understands the demands of my work. I like that he knows how to release me from those invisible bonds, knows that he sets me free and reanimates me.
“I’m going to the powder room, darling. The door will be open for you,” I say as I get up.
Two minutes later, after I’ve washed my hands and reapplied my lipstick, he comes in and latches the door to the private room behind him. I can see his thickness fighting against the wool of his trousers. I want to release it and set it free, and smile outwardly into the mirror so he can see my reflection in it and receive the message I’m sending.
He turns me around and strokes my hair. He puts his hands at the nape of my neck. His grip grows firm quickly and he pushes me down the length of his torso, down to his hips. He cradles the back of my neck with his strong hand. With his free one, he unzips his trousers. I help him and undo his buckle and button. He pulls out his thick cock from his boxer briefs. I open my hungry mouth and let the swelling head enter. He keeps his hold on me. I open my mouth as he pushes into my mouth, my throat. I feel his cock fill my mouth, the back of my throat. I want to pull back but he holds himself deep for what feels like hours but are mere seconds. He releases my head back a bit but is soon pulling my mouth down his erection again, thrusting a little at the same time. All I can do is bend to his rhythm and rest my neck into his grip. He guides his cock in and out of my mouth and throat, I yield to his thrusts and parry to his undulations. I savor the taste of his cock and pre-cum trickling down the back of my throat. I fight back the budding orgasm stirring down below. I cannot help but sway my hips to his rhythm and arch my back when I receive his. I feel his hands move down to my hips, my ass. He reaches down and back and finds my center. He feels the heat and wetness there, and moves my panties  to the right until I’m exposed. He puts his index finger inside my wetness, adding his middle finger, moving both of them in and out of me. My spot quivers and pulses, more wetness pours from it. “Mmmm, baby, you’re so wet”, he murmurs. His fingers don’t cease to play and explore. I ride the wave but hold back from bringing the crash to the shore. “This is what you do to me” I answer between sucklings and deep thrusts as I devour Him.
He lifts me up with his grip and turns me toward the mirror. I peer at Him in the mirror. He looks back. With my panties still pulled aside, he pushes his hot cock into me from behind. Finally, sword is back in its sheath. I close my eyes and receive Him. “Oh, baby!”, I cry out. “Hush!”, he firmly replies. I bite my lips to stay the moans I want to let escape as he plunges deep into me. I arch my back a little more to receive Him. His thickness and length open and engulf me simultaneously. It is a pleasure I relish. His thrusts grow more steady. “Whatever you feel or do, don’t cum. Keep that sweetness there for me, alright? We’re going to go back to the table and enjoy dessert, baby. This is just the beginning of our night”, he whispers into my ear. He kisses the back of my neck, at the very center. He moans against my neck and I feel a heat like molten lava fill my interior. The jizz joy rushes through me. I want to cum from the sheer feeling of his heat spreading inside but, like a good love, I hold my ebbing burst at bay. He slides himself out and places a finger inside of me and moves it around, feeling what was just deposited and making sure I hold it inside. “This is what you make me”, I say as he puts my panties back in place. I straighten my dress and turn around as he exits. I reapply my lipstick and go back to the table, my panties slowly soaking up his escaping juices.

Friday night, 11:02pm in the carriage of a chauffeured car driving down Mission Street
           I ask Him where he has told the driver to take us. He doesn’t reply but instead pushes the button, and the partition begins to go up. I glimpse the driver looking back at me. Our eyes meet in the last instant. I wonder if the driver really can see into the back, even when the partition is pulled up. The driver’s parting glance hints at the possibility.
Me and Him begin to inch toward each other closer.  He reaches into his jacket pocket and takes out the joint. He lights it and takes a puff, rolling down his window so the herbal odour can escape. He passes it to me, and I draw on it. We both enjoy the flow of the effects of the herb. It moves me to excitement, opening up my mind and my senses even more. After we finish the smoke, soon after our lips and eyes meet, and they clash simultaneously. I feel Him reaching down between my legs. He finds his target, and feels the wetness of my panties. “Oh, baby look here. What’s all this?”, he playfully says. “This is how you leave me, your ready vessel”, I moan. He pats my slit and rubs my silk panties against it. I feel more drops fall there. Perhaps I’m more excited than ever before, I don’t know. I ache for Him to take me again. I open my legs further. He moves my panties just a little to the side. He puts two fingers inside, then, as fast as we began, he moves to the other side of the long seat of the car. I bite my finger, and look at the street lights flying past the window, feelings of desire rising up inside of me. The cool night air does nothing to soothe the heat on my skin. I hear Him sucking his fingers, enjoying the taste of our co-mingled flavors.

Friday night, 11:25pm Room #319, W Hotel San Francisco
           We’ve been dancing to the soft music playing from the iPod dock, my famed sensual playlist that emits just the right balance of aural sounds to set and keep the mood. Our mouths haven’t separated from each other since we walked in, our bodies haven’t moved apart in the same amount of time. We softly sway and move. I could just stay here with Him in his arms. It is the place of comfort. We’ve been slowly dancing to and from the bed. Whenever we get so very close, he moves us away and continues to kiss and dance us around the room. I move with Him but the anticipation is mounting steadily. I peer from the corner of my eye the bed, which we are close to. He releases me from our pressed bodies and gently pushes me to the bed. I fall like a feather, soft and calm. He lays his body on top of me, his mouth pressed on mine.  With his right hand, he reaches down and lifts the skirt of my dress. With his left, he clasps my hand and raises my arm up, holding  down. His right hand finds my panty  hem, and pulls them down. I raise my hips to help release them. His kisses grow more steady, his tongue dancing more excitedly. His mouth moves to my neck. He suckles and gently bites. My panties down, my skirt up, he takes my other hand and guides it to his belt. I follow and unbuckle and unbutton. I pull down the zip. I brush the back of my hand against his solid girth. I pull his cock out from the top of his briefs. I feel the tip's wetness. I moan deeply.

At his pressing, I turn over so he can unzip my dress. He undresses me. He straightens the hair down my neck, my upper back. I feel his eyes on me. I know he loves the way I look from behind, it is his absolute favorite picture of me. He rises to undress. I hear buttons open and the falling of cotton and wool and silk. I feel Him press his body against my back. Finally, I get to feel the down of his soft and hairy torso on me. It is a thrill to feel the hair and his skin pressed against me, the sensory opposite of my smooth caramel skin touched by his. I feel his thick cock resting and throbbing against the middle of my buttocks. He grinds against it, his cock moving like a snake between blades of grass in the valley of me. The head presses against my door, knocking every so often. I bid Him to enter me. He wanes. I urge further. He lets it fall into the slippery place, going in and out teasingly. Without warning, he plunges full tilt into me. I yield to the thrust, relax into the fullness of his large and solid member. My favorite part of him now conjoined in the favorite part of me. He brings himself to the outer edges of my sweetness and goes back in deeply. I wince at the depth but open to it. I love the feel of taking all of Him inside me, at any pace he chooses. A few more thrusts, and he turns me over onto my back, never letting himself out of me. I hold him fast and dear, to have Him like this is all I’ve wanted for endless days. Our eyes meet and he thrusts in. I feel him inside me differently, I feel him reaching into places in my depths he hasn’t before. I moan with pleasure, my eyes sparkle with want. I gaze up at Him. He plunges further and stronger. I feel my ocean rise and allow myself to crash to the other shore. He feels my orgasm, and falls forward to kiss me. I take Him so deep inside, I don’t ever want to let go. I ride the waves of my ocean and he continues to surf . I feel Him throb and pulse as he dives shallow and deep. My orgasm returns, stronger. He rises to the crests and back down. I plead to Him with my body to come crash on the shore with me. He holds back and just rides. I writhe and squirm and move with Him, coming and going as if on a rollercoaster ride. He reaches down to my nipples and tickles and pinches them, feeling them perked with excitement. He cups my small breasts and handles them. I moan righteously. He smiles down at me, as I smile back. I bite my bottom lip as another peak of pleasure rises up from my inner depths. Again, my body urges Him to keep riding, as I relax and parry to his fervent thrusts and swallow his hardness and his thickness with my other, lower mouth, suckling his pre-seminal fluid and savoring it. I relish the feeling of our overflowing juices mixing together, his cum from before and mine from now; our nectar lubricating our passion.  He pulls his body from mine. For the tiny moment of separation it feels like eons. He turns me over, again into our favorite position. I inch up to the top of the bed, burying my head and face into the pillows. He strokes the hair of the wig and parts it to reveal the right side of my face. He enters me again, burying into me. I grind and move in time with Him. He rides even more deeply. I raise my hips to meet his, opening up more.I feel him grow rigid. I yield further and beg him with my sweet spot to come to his pleasure. He responds with growing movements and growing speed. I feel another crescendo coming up from my core again with each of his thrusts.“You’re so beautiful tonight, baby. I’ve missed you so much”, he whispers. I reach my mouth to his. He plunges to my very depths as I feel him throb and pulse, delivering another volley of jizz joy , covering my inner walls. “Fill me up, my sweet lover”, I cry. We cum at the same time, my ecstasy gushing forth. Mingled and wet as if we’ve been swimming, we lay for what are endless moments. 
“This is what we become, together”, I say, as we lay back and enjoy the pleasures of our sweet Friday night.

Silence

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Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Silence

makes me crazy
creates distance
don't know what to think
feels like you're gone
forever
is necessary
gives me space
helps me clear the air
I feel you there locked in between the spaces

the uncomfortable silence can scream so loud, a sound that says everything and nothing


I want there to be
the noise of your heart beating in 
my ear as I lay 
my head upon your chest
in an embrace full 
of Love


Letter to an Old Friendly Flame

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Monday, February 17, 2014

J,
     Thank you for seeing my worth.
Especially during a time (a long, dreadful period) of loveless existence, you saw the deeply rooted diamond of who I am. I relished in my pre-existence of supposed security, commitment, of a life conjoined, and I was not yet fully comfortable in my new life role as a solitary artist, of a lone bohemian in a modern technocracy. When you spied your eyes upon me that first time, you instantly saw my worth.
I thank you for coming forward and reaching far out of your comfort zone towards me. I thank you for expressing your joy of knowing me and for making that evolutionary reach toward me. I now know that you felt that I was worth it-on a deeper and on a surface level-and just by this action you came to show me that I am worth it.
I am worth loving.

-M.
February 17, 2009

On Love

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I do not covet Love or its machinations.

I cannot glower in Love's subtle depths for nothing resides there that does not exist elsewhere.

I will not wield Love as a weapon, to grow accustomed of its weight and bend it to the burn of the wrist and to the valour of its supposed spurn.

I am opened by Love's determination to see the world without eyes heavy with misgivings, judgements, or aims.

I am free to experience Love in all of its expansive greatness and worthy of all of its blessings.

Love is a mirror in which I see my World.

Love is free and open 
and belongs to everyone 
and no one but Itself.

The Promise of a New Day

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The newness that each day brings upon waking is truly the point of inspiration. How finite and subtle this inspiration presents itself- it unfolds in its seamless way and starts to reveal itself in numerous, tiny beginnings, much like life. 
Life unfolds and reveals many moments for you, presently or in memoriam. It opens your eyes to see the road in front (and behind) you so that your journey is not short sighted or boring. Countless new sights and experiences abound!
It is this awakening and the blessing of its arrival that is worth celebrating, by enjoying it, recognizing it, utilizing it to it greatest potential, honouring it in meditative contemplation, and striving to experience it to its maximum.
It is this awakening that reminds you--
Live to the Fullest Extent of your Being.
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Remember Me

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Thursday, February 6, 2014

I remember when I used 2 love u
It was such an undertaking
U were my everything
I wanted nothing more than 2 bask in the glow of your never-ending light
U were my stars at night and my sun during the day
And now u have gone and left me here, 
alone and far away

I remember when I used 2 need u
Like a drug I wanted 2 take all of u in
U were my compliment
I wanted nothing more than 2 hold u tight against my skin
And let u in2 the hallow in my heart and fill me up
And now u have gone and gave your heart 2 the one who came b4 me

I remember when I used 2 want u
Deep and driving cravings of just 2 be near u
2 hear u speak and smell your skin were all the things I wanted
2 be in
U were my desire and my essence, 
longing 4 u at every waking turn
And now u’re gone

U’ve been led astray

Doubts

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Your doubt can move me to mountains so far away from the present that I do not want to ever come back to the now. How can you have any doubt when I have given to you so freely, and so sweetly? Haven’t I reassured you enough to dispel any doubt, or are my words forgotten in the instant they are heard, the undulations of my body against yours become untouched?
What you said has upset me, can’t you see? It makes me want to give up all of the pleasure we have exchanged and begin my search again for the elusive that I have found in you, out in the mired ether. I feel like I am ready now to turn away, from not just you but from the universal gift I am honoured to grant you. I doubt that what we have is not going to last much longer, and I don’t want to give up all of this sweetness just yet. Again, I stand here and hold fast against the impending end.
I know it is unbelievable each and every time we are together but know that it is real and it is of our own making. I know it is unbelievable that all of this luxury I own is meant and given only to you. Know I came to an understanding a long time ago that is simple and true: I only want you.
I have tried to shake myself from the seemingly strange connection we have, to seek the refuge from it in the reality of the outside world, but no matter what I try, I cannot turn away.
I came to realize that all I am doing is creating doubts against what we have so I can break free. I choose to instead remove any doubts I self-create and exist in the vivid liberty that we co-create each and every time we are together in pleasure. I can only hope that you do the same but I can sense when it is too much for you and you shrink away and leave, and replace our closeness with aching spaces of silence, setting your doubts on a meandering wander, perhaps to free yourself from me.
I know it is unreal how good it is with us, how deep and intense the lust we have for each other is. I know it is unreal how that lust that builds up comes to fruition and explodes when we’re together, blasting us into the unknown reaches of the power of it. I have felt lost and delirious after our moments of ecstatic release. Isn’t that what this is all for and about? Yes, my sweet man, it is. And it is knowing this and letting it take us over is where we find liberty. Free yourself from the prison of doubt and trust that I give you me freely and completely; I have said and I have shown you.
All I want to do is please you. I know that is all I am here for, all you need me to do. It is really all I want to do and be, nothing more or less. It is the universal gift I am honoured to grant you. I know and feel that you are deserved of it, a deep happiness to quell the suspension of the ego-mind in which you are constrained by.

Giving Tree

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Sunday, January 12, 2014

In the cold, I will give you my wool.
In the dark, I will give you my light.
In the heat, I will give you my cool.
In the day, I will give you my night.
In the loss, I will give you my gain.
In the rush, I will give you all my time.
Where it hangs ready and ripe on the vine,
I bear my fruit for you to eat.
Whatever you ask, I shall do, no matter how sublime.
I am captive, a butterfly caught in your net.
I am yours.

So Bad

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 I want you so bad and I want you all the time, that when I can’t have you when I want, it strikes me across the face like a whip and I am taken aback into a melancholy deep and rich.
I have fallen into this melancholic dream many times over you.
When you are away, at home with her especially, and she is the prison warden keeping you locked away from me, your sweet freedom, the hurt grows to an immensely palpable pain.
Sometimes I think this pain is what I crave and you are just the needle with which I prick myself to feel it. 
You make me feel so good that it is so bad; 
I cannot do without cravings, a glutton for you.

Pleasures So Guilty

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Saturday, January 11, 2014

Oh how many times I have fallen for the lust that runs down
deep in my valley for you,
feelings so good that 
all I want are these pleasures so guilty 
I forget my professions,
living only for the lust I have for you

I crave the savory taste of the flavor you give
It is the only taste I want in my mouth
when I suck my tongue and fall deep for
these pleasures so guilty 
I forget remorse,
living only for the clandestine moments I have with you

Every time is an amazing beautiful ecstastic dream realized, 
seemingly unreal 
I don’t want it to cease or to end, 
holding closed my eyes from
 these pleasures so guilty 
I couldn’t let go,
even if I tried with all my might again

I feel so good that it aches and reels and
sets me to spinning or to flights of wanton fancy
you take me on a ride through landscapes far and away
that I don’t want to get off the trips that you take me on
I don’t want to be set apart
from these pleasures so guilty 
so much so that they make me 
want to stay, 
give it all away to you
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