Intersexion

Love is in control but it is me who holds the gun  Ready to aim,  my eye on the target my focus is on sight,  I pull the trigger and in the flash you are caught

I have swam in the deep dark sea of denial for far too long. Its cold temperatures have failed me, mistaking its rush for warmth. I have swam against currents of my own power and fought to win against the ebb of the tide, fought to win against the rip currents, only to lose myself every time, sinking deeper into murkier depths. I have fallen so far down into the abyss that the underworld of the sea appeared full of splendor and magic. It was all an illusion. I come up for air now, permanently exiting the water and laying down on the shore. I strive for my land legs to sprout from my fins, laying down on the shore, gasping for air to fill my gills as they turn back to lungs. On the shore, I bask in the daylight, in the warmth of the sun. I am exhausted and exhilaration rises from within. I am renewed by my will to evolve. The realization begins, transforming me anew.

Tu est comme le soleil à moi, lumineux et brillant et brûlant; il est là, dans tes yeux! Que vais-je faire? Je suis fait à l'aveugle par le frisson de notre affaire.  Puis-je me reposer à l'ombre, même si je sais que je vous y trouver?  Peu importe, je me consume et se prélasser dans la lueur de votre étoile... You are like the sun to me, bright and brilliant and burning; it is there in your eyes! What am I to do? I am made blind by the thrill of our affair.  Do I rest in the shade even when I know I find you there?  No matter, I am consumed and bask in the glow of your star...

My Love, Thank you for being a light to show me the way forward. Thank you for illuminating my heart. Thank you for giving me hope that love still exists here for me. Thank you for being my kindred spirit and for finding me again and for bringing me back to myself, centered and balanced and complete. I will always feel you, I will always love you, I will always know you in this present existence and beyond through the veil and expanse of time. -M July 9, 2009

I woke up from a fuzzy dream this morning that made me laugh and struck me as strange: I dreamt that my good old friend Rubin and I had sex, not once but three times, in the span of a day, in various guises, positions, and temperaments. We were of course, having lots of fun, laughing and carrying on as two old friends do but there was an intensity to the passion of each of our encounters. There was a strong sense of desire and lust for each other that isn't usually there between two old friends. Mix that with familiarity, and the feeling is one of something akin to love. I couldn't shake the intensity of his dream eyes, staring and piercing into the core of me at the moment of deliverance, the final image left on my mental dream screen.  Later in the day, I actually had to speak to Rubin and I mentioned my morning dream to him. We had a real good laugh over it!  Afterward, I found myself wondering why such an intense dream about a good friend had to play itself out in the...

There are so many places that I want to go--how many destinations will I eventually visit on this road of independence and freedom? I can't know unless I travel steadfastly and assured.  It has taken quite some time to get to the place that I am at without you and I have done it all by myself, done it on my own terms and with my own resolve, weighed by my own strength and measured by my own ruler.  How can I know if it is meant to be done all in this way if I think, if I doubt that it can't be done alone? How and when will I know otherwise? I have to trust--trust that I'm going the right way forward and toward an honest place, onward to a place of peaceful existence.  I must continue to learn that everything is a lesson and examine what knowledge I have gained from a worthy teacher such as you. So many lessons filled with tests and challenges, all of which I have passed with brilliant and flying colors. I take each and every step forward and continue to find ou...

All I want to do is to raise you up to heights you have never gone before my love can do this it is a coin I must pay because you have given this service to me lifetimes ago My love is a river that runs deeper than any ocean,  it will wash away all that has become painful and burdensome and clear away the debris I want no thing in return I want only the grace of loving you and you loving me equally It is finally our time